Fear is Just an Unruly Child. Tell it to Simmer Down So You Can Grow Your Business!
I just heard a really cool analogy about fear. It inspired me and here's my version of it with a Nicole twist.
Picture this…
You're driving down the road in a car and you're headed towards an idea, a goal, or something awesome that you want.
Maybe you want to do a webinar, or write a book, or attend an event.
You're excited about it!
But then — you hear the voice of fear in your head and it can stop you in your tracks.
What if…
What if fear (that voice) was just an unruly, overly tired child sitting in the backseat? He (or she) is kicking and whining a little bit, trying to get your attention.
Maybe he's trying to manipulate you and he is definitely trying to get control of the situation. To do what HE wants.
But you know he's not in control.
You are.
So you tell him to simmer down and you keep driving.
What you don't do is pull over and give him the freaking keys to the car, right?
Don't give fear power over you. Over your success. Over your future. Over your happiness.
Trust me. I've done it enough for both of us. And I want more for both of us.
Fear is a good thing… if we're being chased by a bear. But when we're trying to get sh*t done, then we've got to realize we are not in harms way when we are following our dreams and we can (and should) proceed.
So the next time that little stinker in the back seat tries to take control, remember where you're headed and why. And who is in control.
Take a deep breath and keep driving.
You're worth it.
Stay tuned for more awesome stuff.
Hugs and high fives,
Nicole Dean
PS. Talk to me. What do you want to accomplish and what's holding you back?
Is picturing your fears as a child helping you to ignore them? Or what do you do when fear stops you?
Harry Warrick
December 28, 2018 at 5:46 pmI like your thoughts on fear. As a business owner, we all experience fear that relates to concerns over the availability and abundance of opportunity. Earlier in my life, I trained as a Martial Artist and it was in Martial Arts that I learned to use fear as a motivational tool.
The old fight or flight mentality model can help move us from inaction to massive action if we learn to use it well. They key is to learn how to turn that feeling that most of us get in the pit of our stomach when the bank account is low, or the time between new clients is longer than the last. If you use that feeling to fuel your efforts instead of paralyzing you it turns the fear from a flight from the reality of it all impairment to a tool that helps you fight on.
Also one of the top fears people do not realize that they have is the fear of success. It seems almost irrational to fear something that alludes so many people. But most of us at least at some time in our life fear success. It may keep you from trying new things or starting that next business venture. Do not let it.
To your great success in 2019!
James Kerry
January 12, 2019 at 1:46 pmCorrect, “fear of success” has been my biggest weak point all along. In 2019, I choose to face my fears. To our success! Thanks Nicole for sharing this.
Paul B. Taubman, II
September 9, 2021 at 10:08 amOMG! Yes!! I love this. I am in control of my car. I can drive fast if I want (and I do!)
When I get scared (i.e, fear comes up) I always think, “What is the worst thing that can happen?” The answer is never tragic, it is never something that will cause harm to or others.
This has become a game I plan when I need to get sh*t done!
Love you!
Taubs.
Amanda
September 9, 2021 at 10:08 amThis was the perfect blog post for me to read today. I am thinking about starting about a mastermind group, but I am afraid. Thanks so much for your inspiration. I should just go for it and not be afraid.
Mary-Elizabeth O'Toole
September 9, 2021 at 10:09 amNicole — love your perception on dealing with fear, especially the reminder that the child in the back seat is NOT in control and that you should not be handing over the keys. Awesome image!!! Thanks for sharing.
Cindy Carothers
September 9, 2021 at 10:10 amYour analogy is tremendously helpful in reducing fear to something that is easily dealt with. Visualizing a whiny kid in the back seat is so familiar that it makes dealing with fear something routine and not unexpected so I do not need to get emotionally involved in a decision to nip it, and keep going.
Thanks for this great way to just move through and keep going.
Lynn Leusch
September 9, 2021 at 10:10 amNicole, this is a great analogy. I so can relate to those unruly kiddos in the backseat. Just like those moments, with the kiddos, it’s important to calmly take care of the fear. Listen to the fear, calm fear down and keep moving forward.
Benecia Ponder
September 9, 2021 at 10:13 amThis is right on time for me! I love your analogy of fear being an unruly child. There’s no way I would let my 4 year old nephew drive a car, no matter how much of a tantrum he throws. I need to tell my fears to simmer down and stop allowing them to drive my life. Thank you Nicole for this beautiful blog post❤
Dr. Lisa Burnside
September 9, 2021 at 10:48 amWhat really resonated with me was the “remember where you are headed and why.” I address this a lot with my coaching students to focus on the end result and why they want to be a doctor or get their Masters’ degree. I love helping people and I can’t do that if I don’t get out there. Destination – straight ahead.
Katie
September 9, 2021 at 10:49 amWow, giving the fear/toddler the keys to the car – that really put things in perspective. My fear is that I’m unlikeable and won’t be able to build my membership/community because of that. It’s based in some bullying crap I dealt with way back in middle school that really should be so far in the rear view mirror (see what I did there?) that I can’t “see” it anymore, but it seems to never go away. It really needs to be dumped mercilessly at the side of the road, y’know?
DrRenee Cohn Jones
September 9, 2021 at 10:52 amOur bodies actually experience many of the same physical symptoms when we are scared and when we are excited.
Sometimes, repeating over and over to that unruly child that this is exciting could be all it takes to be brave and take that first step. And other times, you just have to buckle up on that crazy roller coaster and GO!
As a parent coach – I love this analogy and use the practice in real life (actual children, not fear) with the parents I work with. They learn to decide what to respond to and what to ignore in the backseat.
Fortunately for parents, in life, as for us in our businesses, there will be LOTS of opportunities to practice and remind fear (or children) who is really in charge.
Thanks for sharing this – was a great start to my morning! 🙂
Sandy Townsend
September 9, 2021 at 10:58 amLove this Nicole. Fear is such a process and I have had to work thru it many times in my life and still do. I have learned to drop into my heart and love that unruly child and just say it’s ok, you can do this.
Erica
September 9, 2021 at 11:08 amNicole!
Thank you so much for sharing this analogy! I would stare at the unruly child through the rear-view mirror with the “mom look” and keep it moving. This is an excellent way to look at fear. From now on, I will stare at fear with the “goal-getter” look and keep it moving.
Thanks again for sharing!!!
Rozlyn Warren
September 9, 2021 at 11:54 amHi, Nicole! What I love the most about your analogy is…just like an unruly child…you don’t hate on your fear…it is part of you, like you said, the part that protects us from bears…problem is it sees EVERYTHING that smells of change as a bear!!
When we just keep going hopefully the fear will start in with…Are we there yet!!!
Thanks for starting the conversation!
Tish Lee
September 9, 2021 at 12:01 pmI looove this so much! Thinking of fear as just an unruly child in the backseat isn’t something I have ever heard before it was a light bulb moment for me in how I will now think of fear… I sure as heck wouldn’t give the keys to the car to that unruly child so each time fear pops up I’m going to remind myself I hold the keys not that unruly child 😉
And thanks for the reminder to take a deep breath! When I am fearful I tend to forget the simple act of breathing!
Melissa Brown
September 9, 2021 at 2:17 pmNicole, I love your post and the analogy with fear being that unruly kid in the back seat of the car. ❤️
It’s probably no coincidence (a God-incidence maybe 😉) that today I watched a video by Miss USA 2016 Deshauna Barber about the many times she entered pageants and lost but she didn’t give up. This quote from her about the fear of failure has stuck with me and I feel compelled to share. . . .
“Do not fear failure but please be terrified of regret, as giving up is the birth of regret.
Don’t be afraid of the no’s you’ll hear. You’ll hear plenty. Be afraid of the possibility of a yes that you have prematurely destroyed because you decided to quit before the clock strikes 12.”
Such a powerful reminder to ignore the unruly child in the backset—fear of failure— and take control of the situation. Fear of failure can take a chill pill. Have a healthy respect, though, for regret–and be appropriately afraid of allowing it into your life. Don’t let it germinate. Don’t ever give up.
Lisa Ann
September 9, 2021 at 2:25 pmYes, I agree with so many others… the analogy of fear to unruly children you would never give car keys too is wonderful, and so personally helpful as I am currently facing some big fears of my own right now that have had the keys and been driving for far too long!!
Fran Watson
September 9, 2021 at 8:45 pmI’m a little late to the party, just watching the replay tonight, but want to share my response to your great post. Fear so often grabs me, but now that I can think of it as one of my whiny kids in the back seat (not now, but there were LOTS of times), I can ignore it better.
Karen Sammer
September 9, 2021 at 9:47 pmI love the comparison to the whiny, petulant child. All I kept thinking was “don’t make me stop this car and swat you with my flip flop”. You can guess how I grew up. Seriously, I think when we treat our fear like that, we can acknowledge it and show ourselves compassion then go forth and be awesome. Acknowledging that part of us that wants to keep us safe while reassuring it that we are indeed safe, allows us to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’. Not sure who gets the credit for that line but it isn’t me. Great post and thanks for the perspective.
Phoenix Grace
September 9, 2021 at 10:46 pmHello Nicole!
I am NOT going to let that backseat driver take control of my vehicle. Not even if she is tired, or hungry, or feeling ignored. I have CHOICES. I have heard that FEAR can be seen as Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise, I choose to rise (and help lift others up on the way). I have given into fear in the past. I have been immobilized; not able to move forward in life. Fear has pushed me out of the driver seat. Now, I am going to listen to what she has to teach me and thank her for the lesson but tell her she is free to go. I now have faith and trust. Thank you so much for the blog post! I look forward to reading more.
Jennifer Burke
September 10, 2021 at 3:46 pmNicole this is so on target as an analogy!
Of course we aren’t handing the car keys to a kid, no matter how much or how loud they whine and kick our seats. Because we know better and are taking care of them. So we need to take care of ourselves and keep going – we nod to the unruly kid/fear, recognize them BUT keep driving. It’s not truly the end of the world. Stop giving fear so much power.
I know you have much experience with fear … and also with getting up and moving on. Thank you for sharing and inspiring. Time to move past the whining, kicking toddler tantrums of fear of making offers, fear of rejection, fear of no clients and fear of failing my clients, and all those other business fears that kick away in our backseats.
Nicole
September 10, 2021 at 4:14 pmWow. I so adore all of these comments. THANK YOU all. Reading and re-reading and smiling the biggest smiles! I’m so glad this resonated with you as much as it did me.
Go kick ass in all the awesomest of ways.
<3 Nik
Amanda Hahn
September 10, 2021 at 9:11 pmNicole – Thank you for sharing and it provided me some powerful insights. I find that I am fearful that I will succeed and then what? Will they find me out, that I am imposter and I don’t know what I am talking about? I am starting to see that imposter syndrome and I am calling it by name which will allow me to take the wheel and take control of my own journey to building a prosperous business that fiercely serves my clients in helping them find the life they are seeking to create.
Kelly Crompton
September 10, 2021 at 9:21 pmLiving with anxiety, fear is its constant sidekick. It can easily just become part of your identity – it had for me for a long time. In fact, it might have been the overwhelming part of my identity. I would avoid many things, because I could make up quite a story to fill in all the unknowns in new situations. But I also missed out on some potentially terrific things and even better people because I allowed that inner tantrum to win.
Nowadays anxiety and fear are still most certainly a big part of my life, but I have learned to embrace that part of myself in a positive way. I am open about the struggle, and I make myself just keep moving ahead toward whatever it is want to do, despite the voice inside my head that for some reason is freaking out about the whole thing.
Usually it’s over seemingly small stuff (at least for most people), and eventually it becomes a small thing for myself as well.
Occasionally it’s a big thing – or perhaps a better word is it’s an important thing. A thing that is meaningful to me, and the fearful child inside is putting up a heck of fight trying to convince me that I just might die if I do this thing – especially if I fail. Man is it hard to be the grown up in that situation and try to soothe that child’s fear ask it to please just trust me. We’ll make it, and even if we fail spectacularly we won’t actually die.
Thank you so much for your analogy, and for your reminder that WE are in the driver’s seat, and we can choose to move past that fear.
Those are the times I remind myself to just take small steps. Super baby steps if needed, but steps nonetheless.
Teresa Miller
September 10, 2021 at 10:18 pmNicole, you always have a unique perspective and I love that. And what an interesting take on fear you have!
The thing is that fear has a place and a purpose. But even though you love that unruly child and you know his voice matters, it doesn’t mean you let him run roughshod over you.
When he complains, you make sure there isn’t some real problem to address, and then you just let him wear himself out with his shenanigans, while you take care of the .
Cynthia Beckles
September 11, 2021 at 6:33 pmI love your analogy and perspective. I have always thought of fear as a thief, but now I will think of it as a screaming child. You are so right, we cannot give fear control. It is so important to stay focused. You may keep tending to the screaming child, and be surprised how much time is wasted. My screaming child is is a Facebook Live. I will be doing my first one this month. Time to give the screaming child some relief. We all need to move forward and not keep looking in the rear view mirror. Thank you for a thought-provoking post.